Properly proportioned body parts at the correct distances from each other is the formula for good looks. Although beauty is in the eye of the beer holder, certain parameters must be observed by another person in order to qualify as a handsome human. The head is the most important, due to the fact that it is always exposed, unless you are in a deep-sea diving suit. Eye spacing, jaw structure, forehead, mouth, and cheek sizes determine whether an individual is attractive as long as the rest of the body is in the “normal” range. A knockout face doesn’t mean much on a 3′ tall adult, just like a well sculptured body doesn’t count with an ugly head attached to it. In modern times, the determining authority for selecting beauty is the entertainment industry. Hollywood puts their current models on display for all to adore and guage what the new trends are. Somehow big, fat asses are now the rage as women run out and surgically install a Volkswagen Beetle in their derriere. Fashion and hairstyles follow suit as all the wannabes run out and pay insane amounts of money for clothes and hairdos. Shame on these shysters for making huge profits on redecorating plain people. As humans hang on desperately for looks into their geriatric years, merely look at the botched attempts on former stars who are no longer employed. These poor souls look like puppets that were thrown into a woodchipper and then shellacked to hold their faces together. It is a sad way to exit the industry. Fortunately, there is a group that will accept you at “face” value no matter how undesirable you are. These are called funeral homes and are now surfing the internet for aging customers. After 65, expect a postcard in the mail inviting you to a free luncheon to hard sell you to their inflated prices. Delicious corned beef and cabbage are yours on St. Patty’s day, if you are looking for a caring institution to prepare your carcass for wormland or a trip up a smokestack. A great meal/deal awaits.

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