PEARLFISH

4/17/2022      

If ever you meet a human being that is absolutely toxic to civility, just call them a Pearlfish and back away with your gluteus maximus muscles clenched firm. This disgusting little snake of a fish (a 6” replica of an eel) has a Greek style of survival that it uses to escape the perils of the open ranges of the continental shelf. Along the bottom of the sea are mobile eating machines that suck up sand full of organics through its vacuum cleaning mouth and, after an energy absorbing digestion, discharges a doggy log on the sea floor. These 15″ to 6′ long cylinders of robotic gluttony are known as Sea Cucumbers and provide a most bizarre relationship with the Pearlfish. It seems someone has reversed the blueprint for this glob of a slob and installed the lung functions of breathing into the Sea Cucumber’s ass. When the Pearlfish is close by and needs a safe haven, he locates the excrement exit chute by feeling the changes in water flow. When the Sea Cucumber inhales, that little, skinny, penis-shaped prick darts into his asshole and hangs out there for hours. If the Pearlfish gets hungry, it will munch on the Cuke’s gonads until that disgusting vegetable shits out its own intestines just to purge the little prick. Luckily, the fat log has regenerative powers and will regrow new nads and a digestive tract. This is not a very good symbiotic relationship, and who ever came up with this format invented dysfunctional marriages with a strange sex life. Hiding out in an asshole and eating the host’s sex organs, literally, is not a healthy kind of friendship. The Pearlfish coats itself with a semen-like slime to protect itself from the toxins that the Sea Cucumber excretes to evict its tenant. It’s obvious, now, why complex animal lifeforms crawled out of that kinky ocean and made a go of living on the land. They had to get away from those freaky fucks in the dark abyss, but(t) if you look around, they kinda brought some of their old sex-capades with them. Cheeky devils. 

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