A common theater that displays all the latest dramas for the audience in 1 venue is the human face. Multiple muscles control numerous facial topographies that will form folds and frowns, displaying a barrage of emotions to the observer. Whether these are true feelings or faked performances are subject to interpretation. This is human behavior at its finest: the treachery of the brain amplified by the face. Great actors are rewarded for outstanding mystery and deception; so, if the face is the theater, who are the stagehands? In a human auditorium, microscopic creatures become the skilled artisans that work the skin stage. This tiny workforce goes about its business of producing sets for the next act. Of all the parasites that live and feed on human skin, 1 is very unique: it’s the DEMODEX FOLLICULORUM (DF). Also known as face mites, they breed on human mugs and feast on dead skin and sebum, a greasy oil designed to keep the skin moist. Like set carpenters, they hammer away on the facial stage. Often buried head down in hair follicles, they are nearly invisible, doing all the behind-the-scenes construction and demolition. The comparison ends there because these mites do not have an anus to discharge its consumed waste products. Instead, the little DFers eat their entire existence of 14 to 16 days and then, dies with all its waste products stuck in its sealed intestinal tract. Like all life, there is someone sitting on the sidelines just waiting to feed on their dead carcasses. The bacteria that munch on these Fat Alberts are in for a little surprise. Without an anus, everything they consumed for the last 2 weeks are in their bodies. In theater, the fine arts require stories and creative writers require alcohol for inspiration. As the ethyl alcohol is excreted through the pores, the face mites die rapidly due to chemical poisoning. With their loaded intestines bursting upon the stage (face), the vulgar expression of SHIT-FACED comes to fruition.