Once upon a time and twice upon a quarter, there lived a family of bacteria. There was papa bacteria, momma bacteria, and 1,000,000 baby bacteria because every bacteria can divide in 20 minutes. The original mama and papa came into existence already pregnant and soon divided when exposed to favorable conditions. This happened when some human reached into their pocket and pulled out a quarter after stuffing a Twinkie down their dessert hole. Now, addiction reared its ugly head, and this mammal was under direction by the bacteria in its gut to procure another Twinkie. So, the biped shoved this particular quarter into the vending machine along with 9 others to extract another package of delicious, orange, sponge cake with a sugary, fat filling. Some of the first Twinkie filling was stuck on the index finger and thumb of that Homo Sapien and then transferred to both sides of that quarter along with 2 hitchhiker germs, 1 on each digit. It wasn’t long before colonies began to thrive on each side of the coin in the change dispenser. After extracting another spongy confection from the wrapper to satisfy the digestive bacteria, the lard ass walked away happy. Later, another sugar junkie walked over to the same machine and scouted out a package of skittles. Only having a $5 bill, the fructose zombie stuffed that denomination into the sweet slot machine and extracted his $2.50 bag. He was rewarded with 52 Skittles in 4 vibrant colors and 10 quarters in change. The lucky individual received that tainted one with 24 hours and 72 cell divisions of toxic bacteria aboard. Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner. It didn’t take long for those 2 colonies to realize that the Twinkie paste was just about gone, and it was time to jump ship and find a new snack bar. The humanoid placed the quarters in his pocket and immediately proceeded to pick that troublesome booger stuck in his nose. The tiny, destructive pirates have now boarded their living Trojan Horse unseen. PARTY! 

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