INVESTMENT GURUS II of II

2/8/2020

Rick Swank cringed when his newest monthly investment statement came in the mail. The printout used to weigh over a pound but now that the stock market fell in the toilet, Rick’s current statement floats in the air. Zeroes weigh nothing. Rick and his wife Bones were fit to be tied and contacted their investment professional at 2DAMOON Inc. to see what occurred. After 8 calls and 2 weeks, young Johnny Flash left a message on Rick’s cell phone apologizing for not getting back to them sooner. It seems he was at a convention in Fargo, North Dakota, to see what could be done to regain their customer’s losses, and the only cell tower in the whole state must have blown over. BULLSHIT. That state has 150 ICBM’s buried there and it has a 3-fold cell tower redundancy to ensure that critical communications go through. Johnny Flash was in Monaco spending his commission checks on babes and booze. He turned his phone off the day Wall Street started sliding like an avalanche coming down the mountain. Just to retain a proper selection of flavored suckers, Johnny called Rick right after the market tanked and started a tiny, tiny upturn. Using a profusive number of apologies and a constant verbal stroking of Rick’s misfortunes, Johnny guaranteed the return of the Swank’s nest egg that got a blast of the HONEY I SHRUNK THE KIDS gun. They’re going to let it ride. Just like Vegas, there are at times a few winners but the majority of the time, it’s a loser’s game run by the rich for the rape of the middle class. The gains that occur are nothing more than the readjusted inflationary value of the devalued dollar. Half a million dollars in 2020 value is middle class and provides a pool from which to go fishing in. If you think they are there to help you, ask them why they even bother to invest middle class income through their firms? If they’re that good at selecting stocks, why even have an office? Stay at home and just get rich. Oh wait, that would put them at risk.