A long time ago when humans only numbered in the millions, the earth’s atmosphere was relatively clean and pure. An occasional campfire or pillage burn were the only sources of air pollution that were created by man. The canopied creatures were tired of being cut down by humans to stay warm. They could deal with a branch or 2 being ripped off for use as an arrow or a tool (fulcrum) to move something heavy but taking an entire healthy arbor to heat up a bunch of uneducated thugs standing around waiting for their females to ovulate was too much. Unable to run away, the trees formed an alliance and used their chemical magic called photosynthesis to invent a leaf that was unpalatable to insects. Slowly starving, the insects targeted human blood for nutrition and in the process created a new microbe to do this. The humans cut down trees to build shelters to hide from the insects. The trees unleashed more insects that were hiding in their trunks into the human’s arbor palaces. The humans cut down more trees and built fires to smoke out the annoying little buggers. Some trees grew spikes to ward off the fleshy murderers and some poisoned their leaves to promote agonizing itching. The humans retaliated by inventing machinery to increase production of tree genocide by setting up slaughterhouses known as sawmills. This was a double whammy because the machines needed steam to run, hence more dead trees. The result was less forest and more prairie which increased skin cancer in humans, occasionally taking a bunch of them out. The humans got vicious and started killing infant trees, grinding them up and wiping their asses with the finished products. It did not look good for the trees when humans invented Christmas. They would take severed adolescent trees and display their decorated carcasses in their living rooms like savages. This nonstop seesaw war was piling up casualties on both sides and heading for life’s ultimate goal on earth. EXTINCTION! 

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