KILLER VANS II

3/19/2020

As those clean, dark vans named after a river in South America roll around the neighborhood, their cargo holds are loaded with booty from faraway lands. Exhausting out a minimum of nitrogen oxides, carbon monoxides, hydrocarbons and the greenhouse gases; water vapor and carbon dioxide, these vehicles ply the highway in a methodical plan to get your anxiously awaited, hand crafted, purple, doggy massaging brush shipped directly from Whoathere, China. As they carefully wrapped a cardboard box bearing your coveted piece of crap, they included something extra just for you. After finishing his bat stew and Chinese pangolin sandwich, Yang Foo sealed the box and sneezed an unhealthy dose of gesundheit onto your shipping label. Do not be alarmed, this is all part of evolution. Thanks to technology, impatient people who want it now and a little bit of greed, you have invited into your body this Corona virus that only 2 days ago was sneezed onto a container and was destined to die. Carrying a protein lunch pail on its back, the little bugger got a free ride and ended up in you to create the next generation of life that will survive on earth. First it makes you sick and then it starts filling up the little sacs in your lungs called alveoli with fluids. This prevents the oxygen in your lungs from being installed into your bloodstream and in essence, you drown. What nature is doing is prepping the right human beings to grow gills. Like fish, we will then be able to breathe underwater. This is important because the glaciers are rapidly melting and the land is being inundated quickly. This happened previously in Earth’s history in a different manner. The early Neanderthals and the Homo Erectus did not go extinct and disappear completely. Due to viral infections and adaptive
evolution in ancient times, they mutated into today’s dolphins and porpoises. Get ready to grow some fins and gills so you can swim over to Mauna Kea in the winter and Mount Everest in the summer. 

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