4F

8/31/2016

In the 240-year history of the United States, conscription into military service, or the draft as it was later known, had a very interesting background. Volunteers were at one time, the only source of military manpower. However, during times of war, mandatory conscription was enacted through law to meet the needs of our nation’s hankering for human soldiers. In 1980, 23 classifications for military availability were listed, ranging from l-A (advantageous) and included 4-F (undesirable), which came from the civil war era to describe an individual who was missing his 4 front teeth (4F), and would be unable to bite open his gun powder package and reactivate his rifle. A definite hindrance. Today 4F refers to the geriatric generation and their constant decline in basic human functions. They are as follows: FORGETFUL: this decline in memory shows up as walking towards a destination and upon arriving, forgetting why you went there. It also manifests itself as the ability to lose one’s car keys in 4 square feet of desk space and examining that area precisely before they show up on the 3rd time. FEEBLE: the alchemy of turning all transportable items into lead. The 40-pound sack of potatoes you picked up with one hand in your 20’s is now as heavy as a 1953 Cadillac de Ville. Even your own body weight that you hauled around effortlessly up until your mid 50’s, now needs a mechanical chair to fling your fat ass upward. FALTERING: one’s inability to smoothly transport their body across a predetermined path and to convey thoughts through speech to another intelligently. It can be mimicked in youth by drinking a bottle of Irish whiskey on an empty stomach in an hour. FUC***: the realization that the previous 3 have set in permanently and medical science cannot save you. There are numerous industries poised to make a make a boatload of loot on your upcoming demise. None of them can override entropy or telomere disintegration. You are completely and certifiably fuc***. 

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