Chipmunks III

8/15/2016

In 1939, President Franklin D. Roosevelt received a letter drafted by the top physicists of the day, urging research into constructing a fission weapon. Small amounts of money were released slowly for studying the feasibility of the technology. In December of 1941, right after Pearl Harbor, a vote for full development of the weapon was taken. It was defeated, 4 to 3. The same committee was reconvened 3 days later and this time they were shown the hideous BABY BRIAN video, presented by MADC, (MOTHERS AGAINST DRUNK CHIPMUNKS). This time it passed 7 to 0. On July 16, 1945, in a specially built bunker, an envoy of all 25 members of the genera of chipmunks were present at the detonation of the very first nuclear fission weapon at the Trinity Site in New Mexico. 24 of the 25 groups of chipmunks, were so awestruck at the demonstration, that they immediately signed a treaty with humans, to refrain from stealing and consuming their living eyes. Only the stoic, larger and longer-lived Siberian chipmunks refused to sign. Since that fateful day, the United States has embarked on a momentous and epic endeavor to create a nuclear triad of bombers, ICBM’S and submarine launched ballistic missiles to deter those stalwart Siberian chipmunks. Unfortunately for America, the USSR’s suspicious citizens mistook our intentions and built a similar and equal arsenal and aimed it at the middle of the North American continent. Somebody ought to tell them our real intentions, otherwise we may get into a dangerous situation and all those thermonuclear deterrents may inadvertently be released. The ensuing discharged ‘angels of death’ will reign from the heavens and send the human race directly to hell. The firestorm that rises from the mushroom inferno will ultimately melt all our eyeballs and destroy humanity. The protected, underground CHIPPIES won’t be happy and will have difficulty living in a world without a human cadaver’s eyeball sitting in a martini glass on the rocks. 

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