98.6 FAHRENHEIT

8/21/2016

The Homo Sapien males have inherited a temperature related handicap that puts monumental strains on their survival. Its Latin scientific name is, MENTULA HYPOTHERMIC PHOBIA (MHP), or roughly translated into English as, ‘the fear of freezing the flesh flute.’ Nature, in its methodical prudence, placed the male genitalia outside the body’s core and into the airstream for cooling purposes. This keeps sperm production free from overheating, in case of a fever. Heat kills sperms cells. Newer cars came with heated seats to discourage pregnancy. When men drove their dates home after sex, they would crank up the passenger seat heater to kill their seed. This is compliments of a bitter, divorced engineer in the auto industry, who was burdened with huge child support payments. Only the prostrate, which needs heat to keep the seminal fluid viscous is internal. Unlike the reproductive portion of the female sex organ that is entirely within the body, the male’s ‘junk’ is at the mercy of the environment. It is a fear of shrinkage due to algific (cold producing) weather that causes males to see their penises diminish and causes them to behave badly. Their response is to seek out one of 3 orifices in the female body that can accept his ‘member.’ Entry is not enough. Rapid movement ensues, so as to generate heat through friction and thus keep ‘Woody’ alive. Three locations were conveniently provided to increase interest and to have redundancy in case one opening experiences an ‘outage.’ A fourth location found on some females is the cleavage between large breasts. This area is affectionately known as DICK’S BOAT LAUNCH. Geometric shapes, blood vessels and frictional forces are all dictated by the laws of thermodynamics and the underlying urge to keep the penis warm and alive. Nature has also thrown in a secondary motivating force known as reproduction, that clouds young men’s brains. A book was written that tells all: MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN HEAT UP THE PENIS. 

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