FASHION

5/8/2016

Ever since Homo Sapiens have slowly lost their body hair to evolution, they needed additional insulation to keep them warm whenever temperatures dropped. Initially it was hairy mammal hides that allowed the humans to go past the tropics and settle into the temperate zones and beyond. Cavemen life was filled with dangers, and life expectancy at the time was around 35 years, so, mate selection started early. Also, in the world of the club toting thugs, was coexistence of another humanoid species known as Neanderthals. It was this competition that led to the development of fashion. Deer skin jackets were of standard issue, and when seeking a mate, a more dangerous animal was stalked, so as to provide a hide that enhanced the hunter. This exterior display was advantageous in finding a more desirable female to produce healthy offspring with. In time, hats with horns and pants with tails still attached swooned ladies to the best dressed den dude in the valley. The fashion industry was born and both sexes started to dress up to enhance their appearance and desirability. Rabbit tail earrings, ant eater tongue ties, eagle feather headsets and blood-smeared cosmetics adorned both species of humanoids as the competition heated up. Born with ape like features, the Neanderthals were at a disadvantage, looks wise, and decided to go for broke. They entertained the idea to hunt, kill, and display the hides of more dangerous animals in order to prove their worth. Saber tooth tigers, woolly mammoths, crocodiles, and giant long-horned bison were erroneously chosen as candidates. A well-preened Neanderthal, sporting a saber tooth necklace, wearing a 10-foot bison horn hat, with a full length, woolly mammoth coat and crocodile moccasins could have a harem of beautiful maidens at his beck and call. Instead the paleontologists find extinct Neanderthal rib cages, skewered on the horns of various, large predators, now long gone. An excellent, but sad example of extinction, squared.