VAGRANTS

9/25/2016

When the next President of the United States takes the oath of office on Friday, January 20, 2017, he and the first lady’s new home will be the illustrious White House. This 55,000 square foot extravaganza comes complete with over 100 staff dedicated to the residence, as well as the residents. This staff is overseen by the Chief Usher, who hires the help primarily by being very discreet, and secondly, by ability. They see presidential families come and go. This residence, actually classified as a museum, is valued around 400 million dollars. The annual operating cost is hard to estimate because of overlapping government agencies, but the entire Executive Branch during the last presidential term was 1.5 billion dollars a year. That comes to 4,364,041 dollars per day, and includes salaries, security, utilities, aircraft, food, and entertainment. With such a large expenditure, it would be an easy fit to throw in 20 or so homeless people into such a large house. They could help out with the yard work and survive on leftovers. Hell, they could even be official taste testers. The Oval Office could efficiently hold large dressers against the walls with bunk beds splayed around the room to accommodate these guests. The 35 bathrooms there could easily handle the ‘load’ and many of these patrons could pitch in and clean them, just out of gratitude. They could shovel snow in the winter and water the grass in the summer. The majority of these misfortunates should be veterans, because the President of the United States, is in fact the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces and should be close to his men. The rest of the guests could be citizens with drug problems, so that the President could better understand the problems of his constituents. Imagine on national television, during a White House speech with the President speaking at the podium, and there in the background, a gang of ecstatic vagrants drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. Unbridled Americana. 

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