As the Gulf Shore waves lap at the marina piers of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, there is now no doubt that man-made carbon dioxide injected into the atmosphere has accelerated the greenhouse effect. This has placed the capital of Louisiana at the ocean’s reach. Formally 30 feet above sea level on the lstrouma Bluff in 2015, it is now an island metropolis that has an uncertain future. No longer a ‘chicken little’ theory, global warning has awoken all governments throughout the world to rapid and drastic measures. Within one decade, all coal fired burning power plants were shut down. Natural gas and internal combustion engines were outlawed. All consumer-based livestock were slaughtered, and their offspring terminated, due to the methane production of these animals caused by digesting feed. The only cows to be found on the planet now are a few thousand in India, because of their religious beliefs. A gutsy poacher could fetch a quarter of a million dollars for an illegal bovine. With an estimated 9 billion humans now living on the planet, scientists calculated the methane production of these creatures and came up with a strategy to insert catalytic converters into the underwear of people. This will break up the chemical methane (CH4, a greenhouse gas) discharged by human flatulence into the harmless elements of carbon and hydrogen. This process is known as, Filtration And Recovery Technology, or FART for short. These government mandated filters are to be worn by all humans on the planet and will be verified by government employed personnel known as FART POLICE or FART NARCS. These 3-pound parcels of reactant chemicals will be sown into reinforced cotton panels in the crotch of the certified and serial numbered underwear and must be serviced every 2 weeks. To accommodate the service specialists and clothing designers, the converters will come in 3 colors: brown, mocha and chocolate; and for infants and toddlers, it is available in banana yellow. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s