As the mothers of the modern world watch their sons grow older, they slowly see changes as puberty sets in. That hormonal influence creates a cascade of behavioral episodes that include their teenage son spending way more time in the bathroom. Mom also notices that her hand creme is disappearing at an accelerated rate, and when doing the laundry, the amount of dirty socks has doubled. She just figures that their crusty texture is due to more active sweat glands as they play their sports. The boys have made the connection between wet dreams and masturbation and are off to the races to coat the planet with their own DNA. Nature has sent this horny army out to make a conquest, but the army is not organized, and it loses far more battles than it wins. This ensures the world has just enough soldiers without overloading its resources. The fathers watch as their daughters dress provocatively and notice that their D cell battery stockpile dwindles rapidly. The upstairs’ bedroom hums with a constantly changing pitch: high, then low, and back again. Their newfound periods create emotional havoc in the household and attract the neighborhood creme soldiers. As the witches’ tempers flare, the soldiers scatter and run for their lives. This chaos is how nature keeps everything in harmony. Gibberanty was born in rural Nebraska and was the only child of two socially invisible crop farmers. His childhood friends were small farm animals up to the age of 10, and a lame deer that inadvertently taught him about death when a pack of coyotes brought it down in front of him when he was 11. He was home schooled and kept to himself. His only form of entertainment was his incredible dreams of faraway worlds as he slept, so he slept a lot. When he was 23, and still living on the farm, both of his parents died in a car crash. He buried them, sold the estate, bought a trailer in Texas, and was content to live out the rest of his days surviving and dreaming. Then Gibberanty met Sara.