V.R.

8/3/2019

Hollywood’s behavioral tentacles have crept into all the hidden corners of America and is now creating highly profitable businesses for those with the skills and gumption to go after this vain sector. Somehow, during our civilized development, someone saw fit to do reconstructive surgery of the outer portion of the entrance to the woman’s reproductive organ. Whether because of severe burns, or a sporting disaster, such as a bike’s seat falling off and exposing a rusty shaft that tore the protective sheath that covers the love tunnel, is unknown. The resulting surgery to repair and restore the inner and outer labia is now known as Vaginal Reconstruction. The norm for today’s Western culture is to be more aware of a woman’s sexual drives and the enhancement of their faces and bodies to be more desirable for their partners (either sex). In prior times, only paying attention to the territory above the belt was important. Times have changed. The introduction of jewelry installations on the cave curtains has torn down the taboos once associated with this terrain. Instead of accepting the fact that gravity and childbirth will cause wear and tear on the doors to the kiddie kitchen, plastic surgeons are standing in line to remove flabby tissue and large sums of money. Previously designed by nature to control the humidity, ph level and prevent insects from flying into the baby factory when going commando, the inner and outer labia were well suited for their career in guarding the vaginal opening. As time and gravity exert their relentless tug on mammal organs, the floppy folds of femininity fair no better than others. In time they look like a tongue hanging out of a dead animal’s mouth and produce embarrassing farting noises as trapped air is released from a plunging penis and vibrates the lackluster lips. We now have a gaggle of greedy vulva vultures ready to nip and tuck those pesky pussy petals, and tighten them like the skin on a brand-new snare drum. 

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