The internal drive in life to reproduce, at times, supersedes the subconscious commands to stay alive. Salmon have been filmed swimming into a wall of grizzly bears in order to get upstream and spawn. Many humans have written poems, songs, and stories about men hell-bent on doing something drastic in order to mate with their lovers and are dangerously driven by lust. This powerful urge doesn’t just affect the ‘beautiful people’ as portrayed in the motion pictures but goes across the board in humanity. These include the misfits, the underdogs, and the undesirables of both sexes. A common example in today’s modern world is the grossly overweight woman. A heavenly heap of femininity weighing in at 400 pounds or more, this neglected nymph needs love too. As in nature, opposites attract, and a small skinny man is driven to the task to inseminate this barge of blubber as if by design, to put the offspring back on track. The emaciated man now has an engineering problem to solve; how to get past that fountain of fat in front of the fishy, fuzzy, fun bucket? Pushing up with a skeletal arm on an acre of skin that’s in the way, would only cause it to part into two folds that would inundate the man’s forearm, and create a horizontal seam in a sea of cellulite (more accurately, celluheavy). Thankfully, nature has encrypted into his neural network a solution to his dilemma; grab a common household object at hand to assist you in your task: a broomstick. By taking the broomstick perpendicular to the torso, pressing in slightly and pushing up, the gaping gash is exposed and can then be entered. This technique is known as Broom Stick Pussy, and shows up later in the complacent, content cow as a colored horizontal stripe across the fat bands above the hidden Bush gardens. The blue, red, or yellow band is composed of paint chips and wooden slivers matching the color and grain of the broom handle. Broom Stick Pussy, a crowning achievement of
millions of years of evolution.