Because human knowledge is heavily influenced by government spending, common sense fails to materialize. Swinging through our slightly elliptical solar cycle, it turns out that planet Earth is accompanied by a pair of dark planets that shepherds our blue marble. Recently discovered by a chance encounter of rotating the Hubble Telescope to view a distant galaxy, the odds of pointing it at one Legrange point with the shutter open was astronomically small. At first, the totally black object was thought to be a loss of data when it scanned right across the plane, but a graduate student named Harry Klapon spent the next 6 months reviewing all the information. Over and over again, he looked at the totally black, circular void and calculated its position, 60°in front of our orbit. Remembering the 5 locations where stable, shared orbits occur, Harry received permission to rotate the Hubble behind earth. Low and behold; he found another black object in the predicted spot. The only way for these orbits to be totally balanced was to have 3 planets in sync. Confirmed by other observatories, Harry won the naming rights for Pluto’s replacements. Planet 9 is Emma and planet 10 is Eve. They are named after his sister’s newborn twin daughters. The astronomy world went berserk with this fantastic discovery. All the while they were looking outward for more planets and here they were, right on our doorsteps. As usual, per scripted science fiction formats, the military deemed them a precise and eminent danger and the paranoid generals screamed of hurling nukes at the threatening silent figures. Only when a committee of emotion-free submarine commanders with science backgrounds intervened, did the military morons stand down. Multiple probes were sent to both planets and every time they returned to earth, the data trays lay empty. Signaling equipment was damaged and all probes returned with a thick layer of aluminum foil wrapped around them. The paparazzi were not welcome.