GROOVERS

9/22/2017

The laws of physics play an important outcome in the development of human evolution. Take gravity for instance; Homo Sapiens evolved from prior species that have inhabited the Plains of Africa. Over time, we have drifted into other low-lying areas to form a whole cadre of civilizations that realized that we choose these locations, not because it was hard, but because it was easy. Living at higher elevations taxes the body and the only reason people are there, are for the defensive advantage of holding the high ground. They were driven there by enemies of the past. The additional demands of fighting gravity necessitate additional caloric intake to supply the energy for mobility and overcoming lower temperatures. Which brings to light another law of physics, hydraulics, or the study of uncompressible liquids. After eating, the body chemically extracts energy from our food and is passed down our gastrointestinal tract in a semi solid state to be expelled at the anus. Along this path are polyps that hang down into the tunnel to machine grooves into the stool. Examine feces after expulsion and you can see the fissures tooled in. The purpose is to allow gas (methane) to bypass the stool and be released as farts. Without these grooves, gas pressure builds up on the upstream side of the stool and causes pain. Diarrhea is when the stool gets grooved, but is liquid enough to fill in the fissures and form a tight seal on the GI tract. The result is an explosive bowel movement that coats the backside of the toilet. We are now inundated with proctologists that want to go up your ass and cut out those groovers. For them, the Hershey Highway is paved with gold. Allowing this quack mentality to continue will mean redesigning our commodes to look like hockey goal posts with netting to slow the velocity and a solid surface to catch the shit. Rinse water demands will skyrocket. Stop all this foolishness and leave the groovers intact. Nature knows what the hell it is doing. 

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