Faced with irritable offspring and stress from a demanding business world, western society women turn to science to get them through the turmoil. With specialized baby formulas contrived by top chemists (primarily men), this expert panel offers a product to wean their child much earlier. Today’s women are no longer faced with looking for private space to breast feed their infant, and the fear of developing a set of sagging breasts (Sock Tits). Women can now get their children off the boob booze, can crack, or hooter heroin in record time. Aware of a rising trend in obesity, the Modern Missey has elected to limit the proxy pap and the mother replaces her natural nipple with the pacifier, a synthetic substitute. The infant is seduced with deception, thinking they are suckling and in time drifts off to la la land without ingesting any laboratory lactate (Similac). This behavior is encouraged because all parties are soothed, and a calm is bestowed upon the environment. Over the years, the rubber nipple has grown in length and girth and is now manufactured out of latex with a guard and a ring for easy removal. The female engineer in charge of the project looked back into her past and saw her engagement took place shortly after performing fellatio on her future husband. In order to encourage the next generation of females to snare their soul mates, the pacifier took on a penis contour and a guard was installed to keep things equal, or else the deep throaters would have an unfair advantage. The ring was installed so the mother could be in charge of sucking time and could pull the pacifier out when she deemed it necessary. To this day, animosity exists between the mother and son-in-laws of the world. Males are also given pacifiers to encourage them to get in touch with their female counterparts and enable them to make better color selections. As far as suckling goes, nothing soothes the savage beast better than music, except a good, pacifying, blow job.