THE GUILLOTINE III

1/30/2018

In a heavily debated push to return the death penalty to the federal government for dealing with enemies of the United States, a compromise was reached that took away the States powers to abolish capital punishment. In return, the Feds removed all existing marijuana laws. It was known as the DOPE FOR DEATH LAW. Soon the law prompted manufacturers to supply a large number of approved Guillotines for dispersal at all National Guard facilities. The devices have carbon fiber frames and guide rails, with food grade, Stainless Steel, angular blades incorporated. Standing 7′ 10″ tall to accommodate older classrooms, and using tension assist to accelerate the blade to lethal velocities, it uses a unique triggering device. The Guillotine has a round paddle hanging off to the side. Hitting the 8-inch round bullseye with a one-pound beanbag triggers the blade to fall. It is reminiscent of the old dunk tank trigger. Observer participation is heavily encouraged. Also incorporated into the design are LED lights and musical accompaniment to increase emotional enjoyment. The beanbag thrower that lands the shot, that activates the paddle, that cuts off the head of the condemned, wins Internet credits and is awarded the victim’s shoes to hang from their rear view mirror displaying their prowess. All condemned are given complete physicals prior to execution to find recipients for their organs. All convicts’ bone material is crushed, neutralized, and placed in one-pound bean bags to be stored next to the Guillotines. All the remaining organic material is ground up and fed to Tilapias at government funded fish farms, hence the food grade, Stainless Steel, angular blade. These fish, when matured, are sold on the open market as a cheap protein source for human consumption. Selling the Guillotine slurry directly to the people is known as cannibalism and is highly taboo. However, pushing the slurry through the fish first, and on to the humans, is known as recycling. 

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