LUGGAGE

9/2/2020

Like the name implies, it becomes the bare essentials one must lug along with their person in order to comfortably survive during a journey. The contents of the luggage are totally dependent on the person doing the lugging. A person who is experiencing excrement problems will have his (her) luggage packed with extra underwear. An oversexed person will fill their luggage with sex toys. A vain soul will carry along a chemical warehouse of creams, lotions, and cosmetics to replaster their craniums and enough shampoos to wash Miss Liberty’s robe. A paranoid soul will have to stow his luggage because they don’t allow weapons in the tourist’s seating area. A businessperson will lug an adequate supply of select samples in order to coerce a customer into buying some of their crappy wares. An addict will lug around his drug paraphernalia so they can be relaxed when they get to their destination. A sports junkie will lug around assorted bats, clubs, rackets, and balls. The very act of lugging this array of mass is a workout in itself and produces a sense of accomplishment in the sports nut themselves. The alcoholic will lug around his favorite inebriant just in case their destination does not carry their favorite stock. And lastly, as you may have already guessed it, if you have been reading this crap for a while………………… That’s right! The baggage handler will be lugging your coffin through the invisible halls and tunnels of airports and will soon be storing your permanent home in a refrigerated area next to the dead poultry. Tomorrow, the mortician comes by to claim you because you had to go to a foreign land with your golf clubs, your Woodford Reserve, your pot, vibrator, knife, Grecian Formula, and designer boxer briefs. The only thing you forgot to pack was your emergency pharmaceutical bottle of nitroglycerin pills. That little incident killed you when you were lugging all your luggage around the most scenic spot on the planet that you never saw.

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