The 1883 children’s fairytale, written by an Italian writer Carlos Callotti, and later animated by the talented art department of Walt Dizzy, was a story of sex, lies, and human failings. Mr. Geppetto, a woodcarver, just finished his creation, Pinocchio, which means pine eye in Italian, a reference to a knot in a piece of wood. Upon seeing a falling star, he wishes for his handiwork to come alive. This takes place later in the night, when an inebriated gay guy from San Francisco named Blew Fairy performs fellatio on Pinocchio’s woody. Pinocchio cums alive and Blew Fairy breaks off the woody to clean the ejaculate off his teeth, then disappears. The penisless Pinocchio then struggles through life, like all humans, looking for a way to procreate. Encountering many characters, both good and bad, he accumulates experiences that mold his personality. He also observes that, if he lies, his nose grows, thus giving him inspiration to accomplish his goal. Pinocchio frequents many bars and hones his skill as a stud. He lies to women telling them that they are a “10” and whispers that their black dress does not make them look fat. These tactics get them in bed and Pinocchio’s throbbing erect nose gains vaginal penetration. With the nostrils out at the protruding end, he blows his nose and inseminates his “quest” with a sticky, thick liquid that contains his personal autograph, DNA. Occasionally fertilization takes place, and the world is suddenly inundated with a bunch of dummies. Scientists see a trend and quickly intercede to prevent a catastrophe. Pinocchio is given counseling and is shown his errant ways. Released back into society, Pinocchio returns to the bar scene and always goes home alone. With honesty now imbedded into his personality, he is often heard in a conversation with a woman, “on a good night, with a lot of alcohol and poor lighting, you might be a 3, and that black dress does not make you look fat, your fat makes you look fat, fatso!” 

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