DUNG BEETLES II

3/27/2018

As the year 2050 approaches, the world’s population is expected to exceed 9 billion humans, a tipping point for the production of food on earth. With climate changes moving rainfall away from tillable soils, groundwater sources drying up and growing grains for fuel to propel our plump peabrains to a new bistro on the other side of the city, starvation is looming in the future. The western mentality of raising more livestock to feed the masses is counterproductive in that hogs take 5 times more, and cattle 10 times more energy to feed them rather than to use the grain directly. Malnutritioned “livesticks” will appear on the horizon. New attention will be directed on to our mercury filled oceans to produce nothing but sterile seas. Coal fired power plants worldwide have already decimated aquatic life by introducing mercury into the bottom of the food chain, and it has worked its way up to us. DRAIN BRAMAGE is evident everywhere. Before we all go mad and starve to death, man’s ingenuity will rise to the occasion and scientists will find the perfect solution: inserting into our own DNA, a snippet of a dung beetle’s genetic material to arrive at a hybrid human that eats feces. Coprophagia exists now in rare, isolated communities and is usually associated with deviant sexual behavior. In the future, humans will show up at the local sewage treatment plant 3 times a day to enjoy the buffet. The treatment will consist of eradicating pathogens and harmful spores in the stool but leaving the nutrients intact. The fecal material will meet the strictest government standards as to the contents with visual appeal secondary. Artificial colors and flavors will be added to improve the attractiveness of the cuisine. Tuesday nights will be Mexican night, when the local community of ethnic Spanish’s waste will be directed to the plant and served up as a plate of mock refried beans with a corn taco shell holding the most nutritious stool. YEEHA! ARRIBA! ARRIBA!  

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s