CEREALS

4/22/2018

Upon awakening after 8 hours of intense sleep, or if sober, 4 hours of sleep and 4 hours of intense restlessness, one is famished in the morning. It is this demanding muscular workout, that creates the appetite experienced immediately after exercising one’s urinating organs, that demanded you to get up anyway. As a baby, all you did was sleep and stare at the giants who hovered above and spoke a bizarre language that they only conversed with you. They called it baby talk, but your only concern back then was to get your mouth around ma’s nipple and feast. In your youth, you were active with sports, along with bouts of juvenile mayhem that wore you out and upon awakening, you were first introduced to an edible swill called cereals. Bland, cheap and deriving its flavor from its own packaging…cardboard, this granular garbage was what sustained you. It also put in perspective as to where you were in the pecking order of life. The only difference between you and the family pet was that they ate their cereal on all fours. One day, a genius struck upon the idea of how to improve cereal; he put a silo load of sugar in it. All that resulted was an addiction to sweetened tree bark and numerous trips to the dentist. By the time you were 16, all your molars were drilled away by the sadistic dentist with the new vehicle outside and a bowl full of suckers at the door when you leave. Ironic. The American way dictates that you are given choices, and the Motherlode of flavors included, corn, oats, wheat and rice, the same ones available to livestock. Barley was reserved for beer (priorities) and a sugary, southern crop called sorghum (sore gums) was responsible for toothless generations in that neck of the woods. Today’s choices include chocolate, marshmallow and artificial fruits that grow in chemistry labs. The next breakthrough in future cereals will be a carnivorous corn plant that captures, kills, and feeds on full grown pigs. MMMMMMM, BACON!!

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