AUTO SCORE

6/3/2018

In the course of a lifetime, Americans average 9 vehicle purchases per person, but that can vary according to the individual. Some people require a new vehicle every year as part of their persona or because they have excessive income, and cars excel at depreciating rapidly. Certain models can drop 5 figures when driving from the sales office to when the front tires hit the public streets. Frugal individuals can get to their nineties with 4 lucky purchases and minimal driving. Either way these cash chariots are gonna cost you loot when you need to replace them. If you avoid private parties, you will enter the arena known as dealerships and encounter the gladiators of greed and soldiers of psychology (car salesmen). This vicious group will eye you up and down looking for your weaknesses. They will dig into your past, present, and future to assess the foe they are challenging. You are looking for the least amount of money to part with and they are hell bent on extracting any penny in your universe. As you pull into the lot, these creepy crooks are watching you like a vulture. They already have in their head, a profit margin affixed to the car you brought in. They watch the models you are looking at and are on the computer to see if another one is close by if theirs is not to your liking. Armed with a ton of bullshit and a phony personality, they pounce. Asking many questions to discover your interests and Achilles Heels, they are suddenly your new BFF. Then comes the negotiations. As the rivals pair off and enter battle, you realize that not knowing what that dealer has into that vehicle, other than a car wash and a sticker full of checked no’s on the problem list, you are at a disadvantage. The attack is relentless. Finally, the Pavement Pirate offers to give you the shirt off his back and throw in a few free oil changes and a $4 flashlight. You agree. Tonight, that dealership desperado is eating steak, an expensive, massaged Wagyu beef steak. 

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