Deep within the male, human brain, intertwined within the hippocampus and the hypothalamus, is the internal temperature regulating control center known as the hornopuss gland. Connected to this ever-vigilant command post are three sensory organs that supply it with constant vital data to keep the human body within its operating parameters. The olfactory organs located in the nasal cavity near the septum has a direct nerve connection to the temperature headquarters and is responsible for detecting odors in the surrounding air which can influence thought thru pheromones. The second and most important sensory organs are the human eyes. With one of the main branches of the optic nerves wired to the hornopuss gland, visual inputs have a high degree of influence and start a decision-making process influenced by cosmetics and fashion. The third sensor involved is a temperature probe installed in the head of the penis in the male’s anatomy. Eighty-eight per cent of the male’s spinal cord gray matter is appropriated for data transmission from this probe. In normal situations, all three sensors are constantly updating the surrounding environment and passive messages are produced by the brain. The whole system goes ape when alcohol is introduced into the male’s digestive tract. As the ethanol is pulled out of the stomach fluids and is dispersed into the blood stream by the liver, the hornopuss gland goes into overdrive because alcohol has 4 times the evaporation cooling effect than water (sweat) does. This causes the temperature probe (penis) to expand its surface area immensely in order to generate friction and rapid pumping motions are employed. Equilibrium is reached when a liquid coolant is expelled in a pulsating release. Order is restored in the hornopuss gland and the spent male rolls over into a relaxed sleeplike trance. Hugging is an option left up to the subjects in this thermodynamics experiment, but the spooge stooge is eyeing up the exit.

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