MILLENNIUMS’ GOALS III

8/10/2018

As the Video Awards, known as the OLIVERS, nears its air date of February 29th every presidential election year, the crowds grow restless. The award is a highly polished ceramic phallic symbol taken from the movie, CLOCKWORK ORANGE. It was named in honor of writer Oliver Stune’s record setting use of the “F-bomb” in the movie, SCARFFACE. It has since been exceeded, but honor is bestowed on the original, creative inventor. The gathering of America’s premier Millennium producers is a staggering extravaganza that takes place once every 4 years, so as to not cheapen the pious, prestigious phenomenon. Besides that, it costs a “F-load” of money to produce this fanfare. This year the host is Adeem Struck, the groundbreaking producer, who along with his 2 brothers, created BEAR TRAP, the original start of the Disaster Gladiator format. Walking up to the stage with all his earned childhood ribbons cascading off his arms like a Navy flagship sporting her proud colors of patriotism, Adeem takes the stage. After some clever presidential candidate banter, he goes off into a rant about the female opponent who doesn’t have their endorsement, because she feels their industry is too violent. “FUCK HER”, he shouts, as the crowd goes insane. Politics as usual. This quadrennium’s entries are FLAMING BABIES, ACID BATH KITTENS, DISMEMBERED PUPPIES and WOOD CHIPPER CHILDREN. And the winner is: WOOD CHIPPER CHILDREN. The audience goes insane as the graphic video is shown in its entirety with no commercial endorsements. As the 4 producers come on stage to accept their awards, raw gasoline is poured on them from above. A mimed photographer with a white grease face, red suspenders, a derby hat, and an old-styled camera with an exploding flash bulb ignites the recipients. This sets off the absolute excitement of the frenzied Millenniums who have attended the awards. “Best fuckin’ show ever!”, shouts one spectator as he delights in watching the 4 bodies quiver in flames. 

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