Whenever tropical storms are developing off the western coast of Africa in the late summer and fall season of the Northern Hemisphere, the weather and news experts already have the storm pummeling the American coast lines from 3,500 miles out in the Atlantic Ocean. Hurricanes of all intensities have landed on the eastern side of the North American continent for millions of years, yet it’s still here. Trees come down, shorelines get flooded, and animals die, but the land persists because it is made out of solid rock with a light soil cover. The winds present in these giant swirling systems dictate the severity of the storms and are rated by the sustained speed of the wind. Category 1 is a minimum 74 MPH, while category 5 is in excess of 157 MPH. There is talk of creating a Category 6, but the HYPE NAZIS would only dilute the Safir-Simpson hurricane scale. Above 157 MPH and all the way up to the speed of light is a Category 5, plain and simple. Human viewers are impressed with numbers, and just like Homo Sapien males like to brag about their penis lengths, so storms too now come in proportions. Size matters. If nature walks in the door with a mere Category 1 penis hurricane, the only response is a snicker and an “oh well,” but bust down the door and blow the horns when some part of the East Coast is going to entertain a Category 5 hurricane crank. This dude is going to do some real damage. The blow job encountered here is going to gag a lot of lay people. Along with this extraordinary size comes a load of liquid that’s going to flood the halls of humanity. Again, this is measured in numbers (feet for storm surges and inches for rain). Impress the crap out of your audience. The future of hurricane classifications will now be to name them after male pornographic stars. If Johnny “the wad” Holmes comes storming into your city, you are in for a one hell of a good screwing that will bring down the houses and leave you bathed in nature’s cuming attractions.