12/12/2018
Deer hunting season, once a revered ritual amongst males of the human race that displayed their predatory skills, is now in shambles. While trying to increase the efficiency of culling the deer population by the creative use of Tannerite, the entire industry is rife with problem after problem. What started out as a really good idea quickly slid down the slopes of stupidity. The very thought of filling a mobile mammal full of explosives has got to be one of mankind’s momentous follies. Not only did the deer take offense to this misdeed and retaliated relentlessly through suicidal behavior by blowing up the idiot hunters who shot them, they also introduced Tannerite into the human food chain by eating venison that was tainted with the explosive. The animals taken by the bow hunters, which did not create enough energy to ignite the mixture, all of a sudden showed up in venison steaks, shanks, and sausages. Even the butcher’s tools became contaminated and crossed over into beef products. The really ironic part of the ordeal was that the Tannerite stored in the deer’s meat and fat tissue morphed into something unexpected. Once inside humans, their unique gastrointestinal fluids chemically changed the characteristics of the explosive. It no longer needed a high energy, rapid compressive force to induce the reaction; it became an extremely volatile compound very similar to nitroglycerin. It first came to the attention of government officials when reports from all over the country started coming in of drunks in bars blowing up when they fell down. Other stories surfaced of men in taverns who got into bar fights. The witnesses claimed the man who threw the first punch exploded his victim and shortly thereafter joined him in a red mist of blood and bone. All fender benders resulted in fatalities as the driver and passengers popped like bloody balloons when the airbags went off. Humans have an innate talent of turning harmony into a clusterf***.
Torked Truth 