Prancing around in people’s bedrooms at all hours of the day, but primarily late at night, is a mythical creature known as the Sandman. He is described as a small gentleman who sprinkles magic sand into the eyes of children to make them go to sleep and he carries around two umbrellas. When he unfolds one to good children, the pictures on the inside instill a happy dream. The inside of the other umbrella is blank and is displayed to naughty children, thus, depriving those unfortunates of good dreams. The proof that he exists is the rheum (grit) that is found in the corner of the eyes when awakened. It is a concoction of the eye’s natural cleansing fluid of a light mucus mixed with blood cells and dust that congeal into a sand like material when the eyelids are closed during sleep. The concept that it was placed there by an elf-like creature is absurd. The real Sandman is a 4-dimensional alien that easily bypasses time and hence can never be captured on cameras. He exists between time. The Sandman randomly moves around the planet in his hidden world and taps into the human synapse system, extracting energy and leaving a bizarre or fantastic imprint on the human memory as a dream. A 2-hour nap for a human is an eternity for this Sandman. Sapping energy from its host, through the electrochemical process, causes the victims to slowly grow old and die. The sublime Sandman, who first put visions in cavemen’s heads, will exist until people cease to be. All the hopes and aspirations of every human in the form of dreams are side effects of his enlightenment process, similar to a hangover. His presence alone is responsible for ratcheting the human species up from the rest of the animal world. The Sandman is not without fault. He possesses a kinky sexual relationship with his hosts. The eye goop, drool stain, and wet dreams that occasionally occur are of alien chemistry. Last night, unknown to you the disgusting and extremely perverted Sandman had his way with you.