GERIATRIC FARMING V

1/15/2019

The timely transfer team showed up at Sid Miller’s room in full regalia and the ritual commemorating the life and transformation of Mr. Sidney Francis Miller began. Dressed in rainbow colored hospital garb, they removed the corpse that 30 minutes ago was a living, breathing, human being and is now an organic facsimile that needs to be addressed quickly before the degradation process matures. Moving down the hallway in military precision with Sid’s vessel on a gold-plated gurney, the respectful residents stood outside their rooms to view the procession on its way to the morgue. Under the transporter was a sound system playing the deceased’s favorite music. In Sid’s case, he chose THE SOUNDS OF SILENCE by DISTURBED. There wasn’t a dry eye in the building. The emotional release was a homage to Sid’s life and his courage to terminate it at his discretion. Death is inevitable, yet physical and mental anguish with no favorable outcome has options: continue or cease and desist. Sid chose the latter. With helium being the favorable euthanizing agent because of its “go to sleep” technique, there are now concerns of depleting that rare resource on earth. Nature has provided two methods of creating helium. One is through the fusion process which happens in the core of stars. Inside our sun, every second, 600 million tons of hydrogen create 596 million tons of helium plus energy. Mining this would be extremely difficult because of the distance to ship and the fact that the equipment needed would turn into hot plasma. The other method is how helium got on earth in the first place, radioactive decay. In fission, alpha particles are emitted constantly and all that is needed is to capture 2 electrons to make helium. Merely launch a fission weapon into a cloud of static electricity and, presto, instant helium. The enormous stockpiles of nuclear weapons that exist here on earth will ensure that we have enough helium to euthanize us all well into the future.