GET TO THE POINT

3/12/2019

Glancing through one’s messages on a computer or seeking an answer from the Great and Powerful Wizard of Wikipedia, an advertisement pops up on your screen that will grab your attention. It has the ultimate solution to your problem: whether it be weight loss, financial independence, finding true procreation (love), or fixing that huge wart in the middle of your face. The first part is a detailed description of exactly the issue you are having, with the promise that some common (but top secret) product, like a can of corn, will solve your dilemma in no time at all. After wasting ten minutes of your time on this Ferris wheel of repetition, the next part is the history of the greatest man or woman alive, who solved this problem by sheer accident and is now waiting for their Nobel Prize. Their accolades would impress even Alexander the Great, if he were still around: but, alas, he isn’t, so you get the Greatest Story Ever Told. After listening to this ‘15 minutes of pure bullshit’ of how they were chosen to reveal this regal knowledge because their head is shaped like a pyramid, you wonder why you put your index finger on that rattlesnake site and tapped. SUCKER! You figured you’re this far into this Manhattan Project, and the knowledge will be revealed to you shortly, so you stay connected. Next is all the praise from the talk show celebrities who swear this person saved their life, but 20 minutes of concocted verbal sewage, you realize you are no closer to the ultimate answer that you sought on your Crusade for Comprehension. If you’re dumb enough to hang on for 45 minutes of mindless minutiae crammed into your ear canal, you’ll get to the part where all you have to do is give them your credit card number and a White Knight in a Tesla will bring it to your door. Dude, you have been intellectually raped and one hour of your short life has been trashed forever. You then come to the conclusion; HUMANS ARE HOPELESSLY STUPID!

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