Just as sunlight has indirectly covered a good portion of the earth’s solid surface with flora due to its energy conversion of photosynthesis, vegetation has indirectly covered a good portion of the earth’s solid surface with fauna due to its use as a food. With centuries of studies in the animal world; religions have formed because of the knowledge of man who recognized his superiority over other life forms and created these institutions as a way of life. An intense examination of all terra firma plant life has produced a family tree that is as complete as human genealogy with an incredible revelation that floored experts. All plants have souls. During the photosynthesis process, an unexplained phenomenon occurs that cannot be solved chemically or even at the nuclear level. The only logical solution was that some sort of deity was giving it life and purpose. This created clerics that delved into this mystery and invented the SALAD RELIGION with a god named, HEAD LETTUCE. Stories were written and recorded that explained how, in 7 days, all the fruits and vegetables came to be. Their sole purpose is to worship the HEAD LETTUCE. Over the years, numerous factions have broken off from the original religion, but they all share one underlying principle: HUMANS DON’T EAT VEGETABLES. The taboo of this principle is as strong as cannibalism in Christian religions and is punishable with prisons, excommunication and even death. Members of the Animalia Kingdom must get nourishment from their own constituents and not cross into the Plantae Kingdom, who, through divine intervention, make their own food. Never mind that lower members of the animal world feed on plants to attain marketable size; commandments were written to create the rules. The founding fathers of the SALAD RELIGION have originated in the plain states of the U.S. and a good portion of them just happen to be cattle farmers. Commandment #1: Steaks are best served with cocktail weenies.

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