DESIGNER DOGS

9/10/2020

Mr. Wolf would be quite amazed at the offspring that has left his loins 19,000 to 32,000 years ago. Using DNA studies from domesticated dogs from around the world, undisputable theories have been proposed, that all the litters of puppies and packs of dogs have emerged from an extinct wolf breed from Europe. Today’s breeders are working overtime to design a pet that compliments the lifestyle and interests of the Western civilization. The trend nowadays is to shrink the little canines down to rat size and incorporate colored fur that sticks to the animal permanently. It must match the furniture and personality of the owner. Puppy Mills and Canine Co-ops have sprung up rapidly in rural mini farms and trailer parks across America. These breeders are a mix of educated hybridizers and hillbilly hound handlers. They’ll mate breeds in heat with just about anything with 4 legs to come up with something so cute that its breeders can get 8 grand for the little carpet poopers with a good probability of long-term medical problems. With today’s Virus Vengeance going around, people are more apt to stay at home. Living with the same old, boring Neanderthals, there is a desire to own an animal that makes the owner unique and in command of something that will enhance their ego. Enter the diminutive designer dogs to fill the void. These pint-sized little shit-zoos and last-hole assholes are being pumped out of the canine vaginal tracts like a can of Coke flying out of a vending machine. People now go on Anticipation Lists and wait for the bitches to pinch a litter. Demand dictates supply and bidding wars arise. All this for an animal that 50 years ago could be had for free at nearly any farmhouse. It won’t be long before the little ‘dust mops’ come with threads bred into their assholes so a long stick can be screwed in their butts. They will then ‘retrieve’ the dust bunnies that hang out on the hardwood floors that are underneath the childless owner’s bedroom sets. 

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