ELEPHANTS III

10/23/2020

Now that Woolly Mammoths have been bred back into existence and have been reconceived for the entertainment of hairless apes (humans known as HA), they are beginning to lose their luster. Once novel and desirable, these former stars are on the back burners, along with the other wrinkled vegetables. The new hit is owning an eGenesis conceived Tasmanian Tiger. A canine with a 120° jaw opening, a marsupial pouch that holds treats, and tiger stripes on its back, this new pet is the hit of the Central Park dogwalkers. Meanwhile, the Woolly Mammoths (WM) are about as chic as baloney and as common as the horse that it replaced. Expensive to feed and as valuable as a sway backed mule, these neglected animals are now a nuisance. They are intentionally abandoned in the rural areas. It has become so problematic that communities have taken steps to cull the herds. Rounded up and sent off to rendering plants, their destinies include glue, dog food, and kelp fertilizers. If they go extinct again, no one will mourn; they got old and useless. As the WM’s are carted off to become an adhesive for sealing the seam of a soda cup, a revolution is brewing. The newer Woollies have a tad bit more intelligence than the old ones who disappeared 4,000 years ago. Not content with becoming a byproduct in a hot dog, the captive herd formulated a plan. When the truck pulled up to Oscar Mayor’s wiener plant and the trailer’s doors opened, the herd hollered, “LET’S ROLL!”, and out they came, highly motivated. Any human in the general vicinity became an instant target and was quickly shish kabobbed on their massive tusks. Having an upward curve, the human bodies slid down the radius and were trapped by the next impaled victim. Soon, 4 humans were stuck on each side as the death quivers made them dance on the ivory spears. When the WMs ran out of enemies, they just stopped and stared at each other in a brief silence. Then they all broke out in laughter together. HA! HA! HA! HA!

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