AWETISM

3/14/2021

During conception of human life, chemicals are released that are designed to help the baby. The mother grows larger breasts and retains fat reserves to feed the fetus before and after birth. The father (if he is still around) will become more protective of his wife and his future offspring. The relatives of the parents will be on a constant vigil to obtain any news on the development of the newest family member. Then, it happens. The miracle of life shovels another human lifeform out of the birth canal and the ritual begins. The 1st is uniting the now breathing infant to the mother who hugs her baby and says “AWE.” Next, the father examines the sex to figure out what chores they’ll be performing in the future, then lightly caresses the child and gives out a muffled “awe.” Any nurse in the delivery room, after seeing the newborn with a slimy coating, will glance upon the wiped down newborn and hum in a decaying musical phrase, “Aaaawwwe.”  The immediate family are in the waiting room, awaiting their turn to see another family member take their rightful place on this planet. One by 1, they view the little squirt and give off varying decibels of the word: “AWE”. They all smile at the closed eyed bundle of life, who now thinks that this is how their whole life will be: cuddled and “aawwed” to extremes. This is the start of the problem of Awetism. After this giant exercise in spoiling the newborn into a sense of continuous hugging and praising, real life kicks in and that brat is in for a rude awakening.  As the complete and undivided attention wanes, due to time or the birth of another sibling, the child can suffer emotional damage. These quirks surface as social communication challenges and restricted, repetitive behaviors. These awetistic traits will haunt the child but can be nipped in the bud if people would just follow the lead obstetrician’s example. Pull ’em out. Check for breathing, then head out the door by saying, “you’re on your own dude, handle it.” 

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