SHORTAGE SOLUTION

3/11/2021

In the 1st year of the Pandemic, humans created shortages of specific products due to mass hysteria brought on by those honest people in the newsrooms. You know. Those people who triple check their sources. In its wake, humans experienced toilet paper and coin shortages. The logic of these 2 sparsities are questionable but, as usual, ignorant behavior can be rationalized through language. In the 1st shortage, there was a run on toilet paper because people were fearful of stores closing and basic hygiene items would not be available. The head requires that food and water be put into the mouth so the organic unit can run smoothly. However, if the tail end discharges heavily and isn’t wiped properly, disease and embarrassment can run rampant. This would jeopardize human replication because very few can get past gross groins. Without toilet paper, Homo Sapiens could go extinct. The solution would have been the sale of billions of bidets worldwide, because these fixtures are more effective crotch cleaners than folded toilet paper. Plumbers: you missed a gold mine. The coin shortages are even more mysterious until you realize that banks had closed their doors due to the virus and coin rolls cannot be sent through the pneumatic tubes at the automobile kiosks. The solution to that problem would be to eliminate all the paper money and only circulate newly minted coins that are in denominations of $1 to $1,000. They would grow in size and weight with the value. Hydraulic rams would extrude the coins at the bank’s drive-up windows and counterfeiting would soon disappear because the dollar value of the coin is worth less than its metal value in weight. Where would we get all the metal for this? Sitting at 2 defunct Uranium Gaseous Diffusion Plants are millions of tons of contaminated nickel vessels used in the process of extracting U235 from U238. Merely use these as feedstocks with the advantage of never losing any coins because they actually glow in the dark. 

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