In the late 1940’s, all of the 50’s, and the early 60’s, there were approximately 76 million baby boomers dumped on US soils from conveyor belt women agreeing to religious and government decrees to procreate. While the fathers were busy at the bars telling war stories, and the moms were hanging up washed diapers preparing to get fertilized by a drunken dad that night, the kids were left to play by themselves. So, in order to bond with their offspring, the dads, on Saturdays, would take the brood to the local drug stores that had glass cases of penny candy and let them pick out 25-cent-each bags full of the sticky stuff. That soon set the old man back 2 bucks as he agreed to the ‘just 1 more ritual that the little connivers pulled.’ After that, the smiling juveniles jumped into the rusty Hudson, and it was off to the matinee for action packed movies. Paying a few more dollars for the half-priced kids and lying about the 2 free ones in the group, he told the oldest (a 9-year-old) he was in charge and off to the bar he went. When the center seats were selected, out came the booty that would soon stick to the booty. Paper dot candy was the first to disappear. Looking like a cash register receipt with little dots of colored sugar on it, the only kids adept at eating the dots without consuming all the paper were the ones with buck teeth. It didn’t matter how good you were, each dot stuck to the paper backer like epoxy, and you were going to consume a newspaper worth of a former tree. The good news was when this slug of sugar exited out the anus, it contained enough undigested paper to wipe one’s ass internally without using toilet paper. Also included in that sugar stool were candy raisins, Good and Plenty, sugar wafers, sweet tarts, juju beads (they tasted like soap and could rip fillings out like a pliers), circus peanuts, malted milk balls, red hots, and black licorice that gave the feces a rainbow of colors and made the toilet a 4th of July celebration.

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