SHUT THE BOX

4/18/2021 

When the 12th century hit the calendar, perhaps some bored, French baron thought up the game of Shut the Box as a way to distract himself from the end of the dark ages. With the introduction of universities, individualism, and the Crusades, people were now traveling and needed competitive entertainment without weapons. This dice game consists of 9 tiles, about the size of a domino, that hinge off a bottom axle. This pivots the individually numbered (1-9) tiles to the outside of a small box where 2 die are thrown into. As the dice numbers are added up, the tiles are flipped over to the corresponding number or a combination of numbers to get to the same integer. When the remaining tiles add up to 5 or less, one die is thrown. The object of the game is to get the least number of points of the unflipped tiles. A perfect score is to flip all the tiles over with none remaining for a zero. Many different versions of this game have been developed, including 10- and 12-tile versions. But the one all guys are familiar with is the relationship version. It is extremely complex and has resulted in bringing back one of the oldest pastimes in the animal world. Some common scenarios of this game are come home late: SHUT the BOX (SB), drink too much: SB, carry on a conversation with another woman: SB, forget a relationship milestone: SB, don’t have any interests in her hobbies: this gets you a different version of SB called “no front butt”. Encountering her menstrual cycle? No Fine China (SB) for you, because her Fine China is being wrapped up in a red cotton package. Didn’t bring her home any ice cream?…..SB. Made a humorous statement about her weight? SB, her clothing? SB, her makeup? SB, her hair? SB….. This game is extremely one sided and opening the box is only for the Knights Exemplar who can tolerate an extremely tortured life, all for 6 seconds of pulsating pleasure. That oldest pastime in the world that was mentioned earlier? It’s known as masturbation. 

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