Taking a terrain tour in rural Ahh-merica, the Beer Boys, known locally as Cisco and Poncho, after a 1950’s TV series that portrayed 2 Robin Hood type characters in a western backdrop, were on the prowl. Cisco, the flashier of the 2, was rubbernecking the farmlands, which surrounded the industrial city that the 2 called home. With Poncho at the controls of his pickup truck named Loco, it was Cisco’s job as lookout to find cool shit to steal. As the beer made its way from can to mouth to urinal (the great outdoors), the 2 reached a state of euphoria and everything became a contest. Who could say the most stupidest shit and who could come up with the dumbest puns? With field after field of Holsteins and Guernsey cows, Poncho asked Cisco, “what do cows say?” Cisco simply replied “mooo.” “No,” snapped Poncho, “being a thousand pounds or more, they are warning puny humans to be aware of their overwhelming presence and are saying, “mooOOVE.” Cisco gave a smirk and said in his contrived cow voice, “every now and then, you will hear one say: get out of the waAAAYYY!” They both laughed until the cows came home. As the evening wore on, and darkness fell upon the quiet lands, Cisco suddenly shouted, “moo cow at 10 o’clock!” Poncho looked over, and there it was: a mini polyvinyl cow that faced the highway and was away from the farmhouse by a 1/4 mile. They immediately scanned for stray humans and cars. The 2-legged beasts were absent so the fake livestock in front of the dairy farm was ripe for the pickings. After a slow drive of a half mile past the prize, the 2 rotten hoods were searching for witnesses or oncoming traffic. Pulling off the road and gathering a basic wrench set, the 2 crawled up to the 1/2 scale model that required a box wrench to undo the 4 anchor bolts. Lifting the lightweight, little doggie off of his footings, the former mascot for the Jones dairy farm was soon in the back of Loco and heading down the highway. Destination? Unknown, but comical.

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