As David Nucale cased the central meeting room where the wedding party was congregating, he noticed a lot of guests were wearing kilts and flannels, so he went up to the room to grab his flannel shirt from K-Mart and returned to imbibe a free alcoholic drink. It didn’t take but 2 minutes before a guest in full tartan regalia walked over to Mr. Nucale and asked what he was doing. His accent and ugly American mentality gave him away. The calm Scot gave him a basic primer on tartan design and told him if this was a McGregor wedding, he’d be in a heap of trouble wearing that flannel shirt. He was impressed by the Yank’s boldness and his desire to see Scotland by himself. After getting an apology, the gentleman allowed Dave to finish his drink and gave a suggestion as to what to see up north. After a satisfying 20-minute conversation between the 2, a head wave from the Scotsman signified a safe exit from the wedding and Dave was off to his room. With a brief history of Scotland and no facial bruises, he now knew what haggis was and had some leads as to what was worth seeing. As far as Dave was concerned, it was all interesting as hell as his poor American upbringing only portrayed cowboys and Indians in fictitious scenarios. The next day he was off to see a 16th century castle as recommend by last night’s savior wearing a much better brand of flannel. He had bright argyle socks with a 6-inch-long serrated dagger in a sheath alongside his inner left ankle. Knowledge is power. Arriving at the end of a long driveway, there stood the castle. A work of art that mimicked the entryway at the Magic Kingdom. Along the driveway were 125′ Sequoias and on the other 100′ Chilean Monkey Puzzle trees. This meant that 400 years ago, a boat went around Cape Horn, sailed up the coast, and sent an expedition into the Andes. They then sailed north of San Francisco Bay, grabbed some redwood saplings, and returned to Scotland. Impressive and highly dedicated gardeners they are.

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