As the conveyor belt of tourist deliveries churns out a new batch of money monkeys, the broken, used tourists are escorted off the island. This constant influx of “new meat” keeps the economy rolling. Charlie Cox was systematically dropped off in front of his resort registration location. Armed with a driver’s license, a passport, vouchers, and most important, a credit card, Mr. Cox was politely processed. He was given a hard sell of a series of entertainment venues that would wrestle another grand out of his wallet if he agreed. However, Charlie was a seasoned traveler and was familiar with the cram and ram tactics of the hospitality industry. He felt sorry for the young salesman and his choice of careers but his time here was to rela, not to partake in a marathon of crazy crap, including Olympic Kite Flying. To be fair and compassionate to the youngin’, he agreed to tonight’s Polynesian luau. Escorted to his room, Charlie examined his home for the next 5 nights and found a clean, comfortable room. He noticed local native flower heads placed on top of his bed and dresser and quickly gathered them up. “Hey! I’m not gay,” he said to himself, and threw them in the trash. Later, he went to his luau, stuffed himself with food, and was thoroughly entertained by the Polynesian female dancers and acrobatic, male torch-tossers. Spectacular. Retiring for the night, Mr. Cox awoke the next morning to a bed full of ants. Annoyed, he called the main desk, who knew enough to send an English-speaking native who quickly looked in the garbage can. Pulling out the flower heads, he pointed out to Charlie that those plants, scattered around, possessed a natural repellent that would keep those ants from taking command of his room. He then redistributed them around and left. Typical ugly American behavior. They think that every native person they meet, that does manual labor is ignorant. In reality, it is the individual who is judging those people, that is thoroughly stupid.

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