OCTOBERFEST VIII

11/14/2021

The 4 Dwarfs now set off in 2 groups of 2. There was Wop and Bonehead in the Caddy, and Dopey and Pole-lock in the slightly dirty Torino. The Caddy took the lead across LaCrosse to act as a blocker in case some 1st shift cop was reading the police reports from the night before. With 279 arrests for disorderly conduct, odds were good that the “wanted” Torino was going to cross the gauntlet unmolested. As Sunday morning transitioned into Sunday afternoon, a mass of hung over “festers” were either in restaurants or heading out of town. The first shift police were only thinking of their upcoming retirements while munching on donuts in city parks. Upon entering the freeway in an eastbound direction, the Caddy led the way attaining a breakneck speed of 58mph. This was not for lack of power because that Caddy had nearly 500 cubic inches of motor under the hood. This was because the US government enacted a mandatory 55mph maximum speed limit on 1/4/1975. The oil embargo of 1973 put the brakes on high-speed travel until it was repealed in 1995. With the Caddy in the lead in the left lane, and all the following traffic behind the Torino, it was about 30 minutes before the logjam occurred. The Wop had pulled up alongside a Dodge Dart that was driven by a female cadaver. This old woman lacked the cranial response time to keep her vehicle at the posted 55mph.  She only had enough neurons to maintain 41mph and not 1mph more. Wop saw opportunity and mimicked her speed precisely in the left lane. As the 2 Caddy Dwarfs held that speed for 10 minutes, the following traffic backed up for miles. Tempers flared as drivers were now held back to a 40mph crawl on the freeway. Bonehead kept looking back at all the traffic they were impeding and laughed uncontrollably. The Wop watched in the rear-view mirror and gave a big, dumb smile. Without cell phones, GPS, and a lack of patrolling squad cars that didn’t enforce that ridiculous speed limit, this was now a hostage situation.

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