COMMANDER-IN-CHEESE

12/27/2021    

Militaries have a hierarchy of command that goes from the lowest branch of common soldiers or sailors and on up the chain. Even the dumbest members have recognized their status in the scheme of things and classify themselves as grunts, which is the noise all humans make when they try to slide a ton of shit through clay mud. These beasts of  burgeoning burdens must obey orders, no matter how ridiculous or dangerous it may be. Failure to do so may result in their incarceration or their assassination by members of their own military who sit in the back of a frontal assault and shoot any soldiers retreating. Lovely. The way this system is set up is: if you survive each stupid scenario you are sent into, then you are promoted to the next level and carry more authority. The more nonsense, the more rank. This continues your whole life until you are promoted as far as you can go and are rewarded with a gravy job that is far removed from the dangers of combat. The grunts and their lieutenants will handle that. As these people age and slip in cognitive skills, it becomes apparent that the brass is incompetent, but there is no 1 to dethrone these leaders. Their egos take command and many young men are sent to their deaths in the name of patriotism. Patton, MacArthur, and Montgomery are a few names in a big list of commanders who climbed to the top on a pile of dead boys and men. To alleviate this problem in America, our 4 fathers, whose faces overlook stolen Sioux lands in South Dakota’s Mt. Rushmore, have been appointed Commander-in-Chief (CiC) of the Armed Forces. With most bypassing a full military career, they became astute in politics. These Presidents and CiC’s are professional handshakes and deception doctors that lead our country down the road to greatness (?). With a king-like existence, eating chef-prepared souffles in extravagant surroundings, who could possibly question these cheese eating experts to direct poor farm boys to their demises? No one.  

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