TUPPERWARE

1/11/2022  

Earl Tupper first startled the masses in 1946, when the evil genius and chemist invented Tupperware. Utilizing a new product, called plastics, this little-known chemical was not well received in that day and age as all metals had proved their mettle. Most humans were familiar with crude oil that comes out of the ground as a black, sticky liquid, so how could this invention possibly store food without getting it all oily and greasy. Plastics were a dark mystery, and it had a low melting point, as compared to metallic elements, which then made it questionable. However, with time, marketing tactics and huge sales forces, the product was launched, and the rest is history.  It is now in everyone’s kitchen and garages, thicker than Mac and Cheese on a wooden ladle. These miracle storage containers take foods and preserves it into next month by blocking bacteria from direct access. This keeps spoilage to a minimum and has launched a giant food storage movement that says if 1 container is good, then 1 trillion is much better. This was the start of the plastics revolution that put colored bowls and containers in everyone’s cabinets. Like an alcohol addiction, this craze crept through society and competitive people would try and outdo 1 another. When giving away homemade cuisine to friends and family, the standard death threats would be spoken if the bowl borrower did not return the Tupperware vessel. These cherished collections were held higher in esteem than one’s own children. Little Johnny can go with you, but you’d better bring back that Tupperware crock that cost $39. With astronomical costs nearly 9 times more than cheaper substitutes, this shit never gets thrown out, even if it is urine yellow. Many a husband have been buried in an avalanche of these “Cabinet Cadillacs.” The time has come when safety conscious people need to come together and throw this shit in the great Pacific gyre and free up expensive cabinet volume for wholesome and healthy foods. 

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