The comfort and well-being of a Dog Walker (DW) cannot be overemphasized as these individuals are thoroughly responsible for the care and exercise of a prized family pet member. At times, the pet dog may rank higher than the sons and daughters of the canine masters due to their devotion and uncompromised loyalty. As serious as these DWs need to be to carry out this mission of sacrifice, someone stepped in to bring a little humor to these unsung heroes. It seems an avant-garde company has started distributing digital/audio devices that attach to the leash reels that everyone now tethers their dog to. By extending them all the way out, the dog can extend its odor outfield, thereby increasing the exercising area without putting too much strain on the DW, who has half as many legs as their counterparts. Built into these prerecorded devices are sound effects of humans grunting while trying to pass a sizeable stool. A host of various farting sounds are also included so as to project to others the illusion that the dog is performing a human bowel movement. As the dog squats in preparation to eject a canine tootsie roll, the loud sound effects will stimulate other people’s toilet humor and start cascading uncontrollable laughter. Picture a pooping pooch silhouette with explosive farting noises with low grunting and sphincter muscle sounds. In time, this created a Pavlov’s response, so if the DW is impatient, a couple of hits on the fart button got the dog’s colon muscles to start contracting. It was soon a shit hit and the units sold like crazy. A model for bitches comes with low volume to convey feminism. Other models have sexual dirty talk whenever the male mounted a bitch in heat or an unfortunate, menstruating, female Dog Walker. “Ohh baby,” “Squeal like a pig,” and “who’s yo daddy” are just a few of the sayings that can be preprogrammed in 40 languages. The whole DW industry is now the talk of the town and people are standing by to take your orders.