GERIATRIC FAREWELLS

4/23/2022    

Social people utilize greetings and farewells as a means to engage or end conversations with other underwear hangers (human beings). If an individual is in a foreign land and does not speak the language, effort is made to at least learn the phrases of: HELLO and GOODBYE in the native language, just to be civil. These phrases may lose their translation in a society full of cannibals as the HELLO component may mean: I’VE COME TO JOIN YOU FOR DINNER and the GOODBYE version may translate into: PREHEAT THE CAMPFIRE TO 600°F. The entire exercise of salutations is to establish a friendly rapport with a stranger when meeting them, and utilizing departure phrases so as not to be a time robbing, lingering, pain in the ass. As individuals age over the decades, the phrases have to be modified to show that the greeter wishes to portray honesty in their verbal assessments. Phrases such as: SEE YOU LATER; I’LL CATCH YOU TOMORROW, or WE’LL CROSS PATHS AGAIN may not hold any water in the life of someone who might die in the next 18 minutes. These walking corpses need to modify their language so as not to die a filthy liar and save criticisms at their own wakes. They must carefully craft the words of their entries and departures to reflect their temporary status on this planet. Expressions such as: WOW! I DIDN’T THINK I’D EVER SEE YOU AGAIN or SON OF A BITCH, I CAN NOW ENJOY YOUR COMPANY ONE MORE TIME is another possibility. A third greeting that will not end up as a blatant lie, due to impending death is: YOU’RE LOOKING FANTASTIC. HOPEFULLY, YOU CAN CONTINUE THAT TRAIT AFTER I’M GONE. A few adioses that impart a compassionate notation towards the guest without any kind of fakeness are: I MIGHT SEE YOU SOON IF I’M LUCKY. Another is: GOODBYE FOR NOW OR FOREVER, DEPENDING ON OUR FATES. The last one is suitable for all faiths including atheists, as it denotes a desirable parting wish for the future, untold cadaver: HEY
(insert name here), I HOPE YOU DIE IN YOUR SLEEP! 

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