On the eastern side of Arkansas, running from the Missouri boot heel 150 miles south to Helena, AR is a ridge that rises from 250 to 550 feet above the Mississippi plain. It varies in width from 1 to 12 miles and is only penetrated once by a river that flows through it near Marianna. The ridge has 2 theories as to its existence and are both plausible. The first is that it is the remains of a rocky separation between the old Mississippi River Valley and Ohio River Valley. Currently, they now meet at Cairo, Illinois, but an epoch of time ago they met at Helena. Glacier melting flows broke through the Ozark Mountains and created the current river systems of today. The second theory is that it is the remnant of an internal craton collision similar to the formation of the Appalachian Mountains when the Atlantic Ocean plate crashed into the North American Plate 2 eons ago. Meanwhile, the Ozark and Ouachita Mountains are theorized to be remnants of the collision between North and South America. Doesn’t anyone know how to drive a continental plate without smashing it into another one? They must be old or female. A third theory exists that surmises that Crowley’s ridge is the hardened linear path of a gigantic worm who traveled just below the surface. Similar to the novel: DUNE, by F. Herbert, the giant worms were hunted by the Gorgons of the twin planets: Smith and Wesson. This worm was trying to escape the collision between North and South America when its surface disturbance was spotted from space. The Gorgons ended up extracting the huge earth crawler at Clay County, MO. and whisked it off to Jupiter to go fishing for Florida sized Ammonia Pike that swims the hydrogen atmosphere of Jupiter. The asteroid belt beyond Mars used to be a fish-cleaning station for captured Ammonia Pike. Their fossilized bones now orbit the sun. If you get down that way, do drive the Crowley Ridge Scenic Parkway and enjoy the great view from atop the panicked worm’s escape path. 

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