GADGETS

5/17/2022      

The Western Civilization is pathetically fixated on stupid, deceptive devices that theoretically make life’s little chores so much easier. This is the dream of Americans across the continent. Invent some silly, plastic widget, get the business fired up and profitable, then sell it for a warehouse full of money and sail around the world in your own personal yacht. They even have television programs that idolize some rich bastards who wish to promote your invention only to fatten their own bank rolls. These saviors consist of 1% decent humans, while the other 99% are assholes who think they are part of the 1%. Their greed is legendary. But, in reality, humanity needs a new way to dispense toilet paper. So, off in some garage, an inventor is envisioning a state-of-the-art gadget that will automatically dole out a specific number of toilet paper sheets based on the feedback from your smart phone that recorded your dietary intake 36 hours ago. It also dispenses aromatic sprays into the atmosphere activated by farting sounds and does this all the while the final 2 minutes of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture plays to camouflage those embarrassing sounds. Today’s gadget trends center heavily on making devices that assist you in staying alive. Food preparation gadgets have always been popular and have graduated from being sold by carnival barkers to their replacements, known as the internet. Water and air filtering gadgets have now surfaced due to viral infestation, and all can be upgraded to record your vital and astrological signs. Exercise gadgets have hit the market running, swimming, and climbing just to increase your heart rate and stamina. They keep today’s processed foods from sticking to your artery walls similar to the gadgets that go in your toilet tank and dispense chemicals that keeps those brown burritos from sticking to your blue toilet bowls. The best sellers today are the gadgets that hold your cell phones like a newborn baby. The visionary genius never ends.

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