WACKIES

5/26/2022     

There are strange stories of human behavior that need to be told, just to show some of the absurdities of earthen life. Here are 3 narratives that display dire dysfunctionality: 1). A 36-year-old female, named P., lived in a Kansas town with her boyfriend, K. She felt safe in 1 of their 2 bathrooms of their apartment and never left that room for more than 2 years. After sitting on the toilet seat in excess of a month continuously, her skin grew into the seat, causing her boyfriend to call an Emergency Medical Team. They removed both her and the seat and carted the 2-some off to have it surgically removed. The boyfriend fed her daily and 1 can only speculate that she was diligently giving blow jobs that led to this strange relationship. Mr. K got 6 months probation. 2). A compromised woman, named C. with a long history of drug abuse, along with her lifelong boyfriend named Brian, were constant guests at a local hospital for extensive drug overdoses and other related problems. She appeared 1 day without her steady companion, complaining of lower abdominal pain. Further questioning revealed Brian had finally overdosed into oblivion and was cremated. An X-ray of C’s pelvis area revealed a sealed chalice style urn that was pushed up into her vagina. Surgical extraction freed Brian from his lover’s honeypot as she demonstrated her undying love for him. 3). An older woman, named D., came into a hospital moaning that a tree was growing out of her vagina. The staff examined her groin and saw a white root exiting her fluff muffin. Further investigation revealed that she had earlier instances of a prolapsed uterus. This condition is when the unsupported uterus partially drops out of the vagina. To hold it back in, she cleaned up a potato and used it to hold back that organ up inside. The potato found itself in ideal growing conditions and sent its roots outwards to grow into another potato. This Idahole Russet shored up the baby bag until it sprouted. Double baked potato anyone?